Monday, March 15, 2010

eight habits of happy couples

Read an article somewhere in the past few months and thought I'd share my own list with "tidbits" here and there based on my own experiences/research.

The most successful couples 1) make an active commitment every day to their partner, it's a choice you make and then don't screw it up; 2) are in tune with their partner - this requires a strong commitment to communicate (and this doesn't always have to be verbally) and 3) have strong respect for the other as a good person (they share the same values/vision for the future).  I'm going to repeat this again afterwards.

1. Say "I love you" and "Have a good day": Show your partner that you have good intentions for your love and for their well being.
2. Walk hand-in-hand/side-by-side: This is a must.  It shows you like being together, that you are "equals".  You and your love move at your own pace - the world is your playground.
3. Go to bed at the same time: Remember the early days when you couldn't wait to be in bed together? This is prime "connecting" time for you and your partner.
3a. Say "Good night" every night, no matter what: Actively commit once a day - show through your actions that you are choosing to be committed to your loved one every day.
4. Common+Uncommon interests: Have both common interests/hobbies and those you do on your own. Both are important to maintain balance in the relationship. (Don't try and always outperform your partner either).
5. Make trust/forgiveness your default mode: Focus more on what your partner does right: Believe in their good intentions and take a leap of faith and trust them sometimes.  You should have already screened your partner for integrity, trustworthiness, strong values before committing to them.
6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work: Human touch is very important - human beings are social beings. Hugs and touch relax and comfort - and studies have also shown that couples that hug/kiss more, have stronger immune systems. I call it "belly love".
7. Do a "weather" check during the day: it'll help you be in sync/in tune with each other.  When you can, ask your partner how their day is going.  Some people don't want to be disturbed at work - so do this as appropriate.
8. Be proud to be seen with your partner: because you belong together!  ^_^

These are habits. With the right partner, these should come automatically - or you should really want to make them habits with that partner and consistently do them to make them habits (21 days straight to make a habit, right?).

Again, the most successful couples 1) make an active commitment every day to their partner, it's a choice you make and then don't screw it up; 2) are in tune with their partner - this requires a strong commitment to communicate (and this doesn't always have to be verbally) and 3) have strong respect for the other as a good person (share the same values/vision for the future).

I've been mulling over my next posting lately: about the rubberband theory and the rope theory.  More to come.

~Arry

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