how to play the game the right way: are you worth it?

Recently, I read a Steve Harvey book recommended to me by a neighbor. Steve's an actor, comedian, radio personality (the Steve Harvey morning show), and author of "Act like a Lady, Think like a Man".

There's a short story in it that I want to share with you. The point of the story is that 1) men always have a plan, and 2) men act accordingly. Women need to get into the habit of figuring out if his plan includes her in it as long term potential - and a woman does that by having standards. Values. Requirements. Standards from day 1. Always. Men call it high maintenance... high expectations.

So ladies... say it with me, "I'm so worth it".

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... one of my daughters brought home her alleged "boyfriend" to the house for a family dinner. You should know that my father-in-law is one of the smartest men I ever met in my life - he's a man I look up to, and I look up to very few men. The things that come out of his mouth are usually, if not always, on point and make me think: The same was true this particular evening when he lined up this boy on the living room couch and asked him plain as day, "So what's your plan with my granddaughter?"

The young man, about thirty, asked very simply, "What do you mean by that?"
"I mean just what I asked," my father-in-law said. "What is your plan?"
"I don't have no plan," he said.
"Then what are you doing?" my father-in-law asked.
"I'm just trying to get to know her," he insisted.
"But what's your plan? Where is this going?" my father-in-law snapped back.

Finally, under the pressure of the questioning, the squared shoulders, and two straight-faced black men making it clear we know the game, the boy finally broke down and said those four fateful words: "We're just kicking it."

My father-in-law sat there and stared at him for a minute, satisfied, finally, that he's gotten to the bottom of it. He tasted blood. "Okay, then - cool," my father-in-law said quietly. "Let's share that with her, that you're just 'kicking-it.' Let's see how she feels being the kicked one. Let's take that back to her."

She looked so crazy when, a few minutes later, we let her know about her man's plans - that they're just "kicking it". Because she knows that from our constant talks and updates and sessions about men when it comes to relationships, you're either being kicked or you're potential long-term material. It can't be both. Clearly, he had a plan that was different from what she wanted.

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If a man likes what he sees - he will always find some way to you. Always. He will always want to sleep with you. So - Women need standards. Values. Requirements. Let the man know up front - and if your price is too high to pay, suggest that he move on.

Men always have a plan. I tend to think that a man knows very (let me stress ~very~) early on whether or not you (the woman) are long term potential (in the forever sense). If so, he'll do is damn best to make it happen. Watch his actions. Don't "stick it out" with a man hoping he'll come around, change, etc... he may, but really, do you want to be with a man by default, or because it was the "right thing to do"? Ideally, no.

~Arry

becoming number 1

I've been doing a lot of flying lately. To me, flying means uninterrupted time to read (on my fabulous new kindle). On my last trip to Tampa, I flew threw Open, Andre Agassi's memoir. I know not much about Andre Agassi, just that he was a tennis player who was once married to Brooke Shields, and I downloaded the book on a whim, as a change of pace from all the poorly written legal thrillers I had been reading. (What is it about legal thrillers that make them bestsellers despite implausible plotlines and ridiculously unbelievable characters (a lawyer with a heart of gold, an IQ of 170, the wit and charm of a fairytale prince, all wrapped up in supermodel looks? Please.))

I loved the book. It was beautifully written (it was after all the creation of Pulitzer Prize-winning writer J.R. Moehringer) and disturbingly honest, but here is what I got out of it: Talent will only take you so far, even if it is world-class, one-in-a-gazillion, make-others-choke-with-envy type of exceptional talent. Of course, there is hard work and persistence involved (duh), but what Agassi makes infinitely clear is that it is desire that ultimately makes the difference. Easy to say and easy to dismiss as a cliche, but in a world where it is so easy to just get by with what seems like plenty (or at least enough), it is not as easy to want something so badly, both emotionally and mentally, that you will become number one. Sounds like the start-up world to me.

Mina

the platinum rule of a polarized relationship

The platinum relationship rule goes something like this:

Man must treasure his woman;
Woman must respect her man.

Many of those who hang around me enough have heard me say this many times. Some even say that I sound like an old lady or a fortune cookie - yea, so what? I've spent at least the past decade of my life trying to understand relationships - and this is the holy grail to the world of relationships (between man and woman - other gender pairings, I do not know) that sums up my beliefs.

What do I mean by having spent the past decade of my life trying to understand relationships? For one, I grew up in a very conservative family where the past generations of women did not date. When they came of age, the family found a respectable suitor and they married. It's the way it was. Unfortunately, my mother and some aunts did not marry their preferred choices - and some are still married, and some are not. I decided early on that I would take charge of my own destiny. I’ve done things differently than the family prefers. I wanted to test and learn about the world of relationships before happily committing to my one and only forever. I've dated younger, older, shorter, investment banker, lawyer, deep sea diver, poet, rocket scientist, engineer, ... (and by dated - I mean researched, and anywhere from 3 dates to full on years of real relationships, but mostly 3 dates or weeks). I also spend countless hours talking to people about relationships - why did they marry, how did they know that s/he was the one, do they fight, why do they work, why didn't they work, etc...?

Polarized relationships: This is probably worth another blog article, but I'll give you the quick and dirty. Today, many people believe the ideal relationship is one where you are equal partners, everything split 50-50, and right down the middle. Man and woman sharing responsibilities 50-50 in everything: cooking, cleaning, yard work, etc. Boring. Right. Why? Because men and women are different. We have different needs. We should have different roles and responsibilities (think 80-20 rule). Polarity between a man and a woman is what creates that tension between two people, also known as chemistry, zazazoom, and passion. Without it, you might as well be dating/be married to your brother or sister. Men and women are not equal (at least in relationship speak).

So back to the platinum rule of relationships: Now, agreeing that men and women are different and understanding that a polarized relationship is important to a happy relationship - with mutual respect towards each other a given, of course (emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually) - this is the platinum rule. Man, who loves to be the protector driving towards his vision of happiness, needs a woman partner whom he'll treasure and find his sense of freedom/peace with. Woman, who loves to be giving and filled with love needs a man partner, whom she'll respect and entrust him to drive/steer their journey together. Yes, not so "P.C." - we need to get over that.

As for me, that means I need to be with a man whom I can trust - where I can be free to let go of some of these reigns and take care of the things that really matter to me: family, home, art/ music, helping others, and changing the world.

~Arry

confidence is a woman's inner goddess

When you sit down and ask most men what they find most attractive about a woman? It's her confidence - her acceptance of herself with the way she looks, her place in the world, the gifts she has to offer, herself. Now, I think most people would agree, that most women do not find themselves and are not able to become comfortable with themselves until later in their 20s, many in their 30s, and for some, later.

What is confidence in a woman? A woman with confidence faces new challenges head on with optimism. A woman with confidence will walk into a room full of people with wet hair and less than perfect makeup - and own it. A woman with confidence will trust that her smile and friendly manner will be what interests and engages others.

Anyways, a short personal story about me as this is something I've been thinking about. The year's coming to a close. 2009... has been a year of challenges, growth, humility, and honest conversations... and a year where I had to question who I was and who I am today over and over. I've come out of a challenging past relationship this past year that was extremely emotionally challenging. I learned to say, "no" and walked away a bit shaken that I had stayed in the rollercoaster of a relationship so long and that I still had it in me to have compassion for this ex. I've recently come out of a crazy experience with a difficult client recently, which also was extremely emotionally challenging. I worried. I pondered. I procrastinated. My ex-client saw my confidence lacking and seized every opportunity take emotional-swings at me. I crumbled. Here I am... wondering, where did I go?

This is me - a person whose clients in the past 8 years have repeatedly cried out, "oh my gosh, the chutzpah in you is so refreshing". Me, who always stands up for the underdog, principles, me/my team. Me, who last year walked up to the CEO of a major corporation and befriended him (after being so impressed with his talk at a United Nations Summit). Me, who usually spends 10 minutes getting ready to go anywhere (be it a fancy gala, meeting up with friends, or even a date).

Confidence is a woman's inner goddess. Me, I have to spend some time un-doing all the negative energy I've picked up from these two past emotional terrorists. I have to be me, for me, because that's the only way to be. If you're with a woman who's had similar situations, if you know a woman who could use some confidence-rejuvenation, take the time to let her know that you support and understand her - that you are on her team.

4 ways to build confidence (in women):
This was inspired from an article I read up awhile back with some major modifications and "arry-ifications".
1) Relaxation - be optimistic and relax the mind (avoid over-analyzing). If you're her man, assure her that she's your one and only love.
2) Be engaged. One thing I've noticed about confident women (or people for that matter) is that even if they are not feeling 100%, they'll throw that energy outwards to the world around them instead of fretting internally about what's not going right or the bad hair day. If you're her man, be engaged with her as you assure her that she's your one and only love.
3) When it rains - let it be rain only. Smile, shake it off, it'll get better. The saying, "when it rains, it pours" does not have to be true. If you're her man, hold her and assure her that she's your one and only love.
4) Be optimistic. Practice being optimistic if you aren't right now. Women have the tendency to read into "tone", facial expressions, etc... again. Smile, shake it off, it'll get better. If you're her man, give her kisses and assure her that she's your one and only love.

Yes, there's some repetition involved above. Yes - if you're her man, ... assure her that she's your one and only love. Serious. Men and women find fulfillment through different means. Men search for direction and freedom. Women search for ways to be filled with love, to be desired, to be wanted. Ultimate fulfillment for both a man and woman happens when the search stops - and they can both relax and just "be". Confidence is a woman's inner goddess.

~Arry

making money out of nothing at all

That's right -- the title of this blog is inspired by Air Supply which yes, I have been listening to. My excuse is that my parents are visiting and I thought I could use a break from the likes of Unchained Melody which they are partial to. Secretly, though, I love Air Supply -- there's something very appealing about angst-ridden love songs. Anyway...

Everyone's heard about the mousetrap. Build it and they will come. This is, of course, less than accurate when it comes to starting a company. You have to build it and then convince everyone to use it. When you don't have the marketing dollars of Coca Cola or celebrity friends to flaunt your goods as they get arrested on TV, what are you to do? I recently read the following WSF article about the use of symbolic gestures to make your business look more trustworthy. It is a good one and reminds us that all good things begin with little changes within, in this case, within the entrepreneurs themselves.




From WSJ (11/30/2009)

ENTREPRENEURSHIP

Trust Me

For entrepreneurs looking to gain credibility, it's often the little things that count

By QUY HUY And CHRISTOPH ZOTT

How do you persuade people to trust you when you don't have a track record?

It's a question every entrepreneur faces—and it's especially critical these days as lenders and investors look for reasons not to hand over money. To figure out the answer, we interviewed key figures at 28 entrepreneurial ventures in the U.K., including founders, investors, board members, employees and customers.

The Journal Report

See the complete Business Insight report,.

What did we find out? Details matter. Many entrepreneurs are so focused on building the business or getting their product ready for market that they forget to do little things that send a message of credibility—such as making sure their Web site is polished and professional, or sending follow-up notes after a meeting with potential investors.

In our study, the most successful founders were masters at making symbolic gestures that signaled stability and credibility. They might hold meetings in upscale surroundings, for instance, or fill their Web page with testimonials from satisfied customers. Time and again, the entrepreneurs who practiced these tactics landed more funding than those who didn't.

What's more, this advice isn't for entrepreneurs only: Executives from established companies could learn some valuable lessons here, as well. With investors more skeptical than ever, executives must use any resource to convince them that they can be trusted—no matter how trivial the tactics may seem to managers with long careers and long-existing companies behind them.

We found that there were four areas where the right symbolic gestures were vital. Here's a look at those crucial spots—and what executives in businesses of all shapes and sizes can learn from them.

Wesley Bedrosian

Personal Credibility

First and foremost, it's vital to reassure people that you are personally capable and credible. For entrepreneurs, the issue is: Are you the kind of person able to build a company? In an existing company, it's more: Are you the kind of person who can manage a complex project competently? How personally committed are you to the idea that you are proposing?

There are a number of ways to drive home the point.

Reveal yourself. Many businesspeople are reluctant to be specific about their personal history or interests in meetings. They may think it's irrelevant or inappropriate, for instance, or they may simply feel pressed for time. But the entrepreneurs who are successful know how to deploy personal details that will strike a chord with listeners.

How? They do homework before big meetings—such as researching a potential investor's history on a social-networking site—and during the meeting they're very attentive to body language and verbal signals. For instance, background research might show that you and a potential investor have a common interest in college football. During the meeting, you might refer to a recent big game to underscore a point—and if the investor responds well to the reference, you might use more sports analogies when talking about your business.

This also applies to personal history. Disclosing critical details can make all the difference, such as a shared school affiliation or hometown, as well as a personal achievement. In our sample of entrepreneurs, for instance, all were graduates from the same top business school. But the ones who actually told potential investors proved most successful at attracting capital.

"I am sort of skeptical about M.B.A. qualifications," admitted one venture capitalist. "The fact [that he let us know] that he was from a prestigious business school did help." Put your money where your mouth is. Some entrepreneurs take only token wages or forgo a salary altogether. This serves two purposes. On a concrete level, it keeps costs to a minimum or cuts them out completely, which is vital when money is tight. On a symbolic level, it shows a full commitment to a business and sends a compelling signal to potential investors. Consider this comment by one investor in our sample: "Anyone can make a good business plan, but it's got to be the people behind the business plan. It's got to be their commitment—that is what helps you make hard decisions about investing. It tells you that when the chips are down, these people are not going to jump ship. They're going to stay fighting."

A word of caution, though, for executives at existing companies: A $1 salary may be seen as a public-relations gimmick as much as a sincere expression of personal responsibility and passion for the business. Meanwhile, some experts worry about sending another negative message—the executive is wealthy and can take or leave the money.

A Signal Triumph

• The Quandary: It's tough to persuade people to trust you when you don't have a track record—especially now that lenders and investors are looking for reasons not to hand over money.
• The Missing Ingredient: Many entrepreneurs are so focused on building the business or getting their product ready for marke that they forget to do little things that send a message of credibility.
• Moves That Matter: In our study, the most successful founders were masters of symbolic gestures—from holding meetings in upscale venues to displaying industry awards on their Web site.

The Company's Professionalism

Businesspeople also need to sell the idea that their project or company is professional. But how do you do that with few resources?

Keep up appearances. A professional look helps reassure investors that a company's structure and processes are stable. Businesspeople should make sure that everything they show investors—from presentations to business cards to Web pages—is thoughtfully prepared. As obvious as it seems, personal appearance counts, too. Executives would do well to invest in a professional wardrobe, and take some coaching in presentation skills. (Recalling his team's sloppy appearance at a failed meeting, one red-faced entrepreneur admitted, "We were just a bunch of clowns wandering around with PowerPoint presentations.")

Location, location, location. The old adage also holds true here: Executives should secure the most desirable spot possible for their offices. Of course, not everyone can afford this, but there are ways to save. For instance, some entrepreneurs in our study arranged to meet in impressive surroundings—such as fancy hotels—or they rented shared offices in tony neighborhoods. Again, this serves a twofold purpose. Practically speaking, it's cheaper than getting very expensive digs. It also has valuable symbolic meaning. As one entrepreneur explained, "When we asked [our investors] why they had given us this chance, rather than some of our perhaps better-established competitors, they told us that they were so impressed that we were obviously a business of substance, because we had such a large, well-appointed office. They didn't know that we had a very, very small office, just in a large building."

Obviously, we're not advising a display of fake luxury—executives should not lie to potential investors, or go way beyond their means to make a better impression. What's more, before plunging into a deal for upscale offices, managers should be sure that their potential investors actually place a high value on this kind of display. For instance, they should ask other clients about the investors' preferences—as well as what their offices look like.

The Track Record

A common complaint among entrepreneurs in our study is that investors demand proof of some past accomplishment before they commit resources. But there's no way to get a track record without resources to develop an idea. The most successful entrepreneurs found ways to address this Catch-22 situation.

For example, rather than merely describing their product on paper, some entrepreneurs developed a prototype, or used controlled product demonstrations, to convey how the product might work. One investor who was won over this way told us: "This win happened when the business founder gave what I'll call a controlled demonstration. The demo looked really great."

For Further Reading

See these related articles from MIT Sloan Management Review.

• Unconventional Insights for Managing Stakeholder Trust
  By Michael Pirson and Deepak Malhotra (Summer 2008)
  Many companies invest considerable time and energy trying to build trust with customers, employees, suppliers and investors. Why are some of those efforts doomed to fail?
  http://sloanreview.mit.edu/x/49413
• Leadership and the Fear Factor
  By Michael Maccoby, Jody Hoffer Gittel and Michael Ledeen (Winter 2004)
  Fear is a four-letter word in companies today, but CEOs' rhetoric of "love" often inspires more cynicism than genuine affection. Leaders would do well to develop a more sophisticated understanding of each term.
  http://sloanreview.mit.edu/x/4524
• What Really Drives the Market?
  By Marc H. Goedhart, Timothy M. Koller and David Wessels (Fall 2005)|
  Despite the recent popularity of the "behaviorist" view, analysis indicates that, on the whole, investors make rational investment decisions based on their view of future cash flows.
  http://sloanreview.mit.edu/x/47107
• The Shareholders vs. Stakeholders Debate
  By H. Jeff Smith (Summer 2003)
  Should companies seek only to maximize shareholder value or strive to serve the often conflicting interests of all stakeholders? Guidance can be found in exploring exactly what each theory does, and doesn't, say.
  http://sloanreview.mit.edu/x/44411
• The Trouble with Being Average
  By Cyril Bouquet, Andrew Crane and Yuval Deutsch (Spring 2009)
  Companies are more likely to achieve profitable sales overseas if their level of corporate social responsibility is either above average—or below it.
  http://sloanreview.mit.edu/x/50316

Another company hadn't produced a single commercially viable product, but it had won industry awards for its technology development. So, it conspicuously displayed its awards on its home page as evidence of external recognition.

"Could we prove [our product] worked in the marketplace?" the entrepreneur told us. "No, we couldn't, but we needed to get those external endorsements to help us."

For managers at an established company, a good strategy is to try to establish a series of modest wins and publicize these as symbols of achievement in a clear—but not conceited—way. A manager might try to win plaudits from customers by delivering top-notch customer service, for instance, and then place those testimonials prominently on the company Web site or in promotional material.

Emphasizing and Building Ties

Being associated with prestigious stakeholders can help elevate one's standing. One business founder explained how having two international companies partner with his travel venture gave him tremendous credibility, which was "absolutely critical" for obtaining funding. Later, he secured the backing of other high-profile investors and industry experts who joined the company's board—and they, too, became important symbols of prestige.

The founder mentioned these ties during presentations, and believed they helped him land sizable contracts. "The reason they think we can do it is they look at our board and they see some very big names on there now," he said.

Finally, it's critical to use symbolic gestures to build and strengthen relationships with stakeholders. Even seemingly small actions can make a difference. For instance, successful entrepreneurs often send flowers or inexpensive gifts with their corporate logo to serve as reminders of the company's reliability—and, even more fundamentally, the fact that the company is still in business. For executives at established companies, personalized emails or handwritten notes of appreciation to colleagues and employees can help them stand out from their peers.

As one of the founders said, "We try to influence the clients' selective recall. The way we do it is through small gifts like a pen or a ruler with our company name on it. People keep these things on their desk, and they use them. You may laugh at this, but the small things help people to remember us."

People seem to appreciate these gestures. One customer in our survey said, "Service is important, and [this company] attends to us as if we were their most important or only customer, and continues to do so."

Of course, none of these strategies should mean faking the way to success. We are not advocating cover-up actions, the way some companies selectively issue one-sided announcements calculated to drive up the price of their stock. With the business world reeling from so many corporate scams of this nature, once-bitten stakeholders will see right through any shallow maneuvers.

To be effective, each of these actions must be underpinned by authenticity. In other words, only promise what you can deliver.

founder institute ranks San Diego lowest, Seattle highest in likelihood for entrepreneurial success

Founder Institute Ranks San Diego Lowest, Seattle Highest in Likelihood for Entrepreneurial Success

Bruce V. Bigelow 11/30/09

As if it wasn’t already hard enough to be an entrepreneur in San Diego. A recent survey suggests that San Diego entrepreneurs are the least likely to succeed in their startup ventures—while Seattle’s entrepreneurs are the most likely to break through to the other side.

The survey, which was first reported by VentureBeat last week, was based on information provided by the aspiring founders who have enrolled in the business coaching and startup incubator programs that the San Francisco-based Founder Institute has launched so far in five U.S. cities, including San Diego and Seattle. (The Seattle program begins on December 7.)

In order to process hundreds of applications by aspiring entrepreneurs (who are not required to disclose their idea for a startup venture), the institute uses a blended personality and aptitude test that takes just over an hour to complete. The Founder Institute has enrolled 100 students from 263 applications in programs established so far in five metro areas, so it’s not a big sample. A social science researcher in Canada created the admissions test, according to Adeo Ressi, the Founder Institute’s founder. Besides requiring a full LinkedIn profile, the admissions test asks applicants to answer questions like, “Why do you think you can be an entrepreneur?” and “What are you passionate about?”

As VentureBeat reported, Adeo Ressi says he worked with the social science researcher to develop a system that could be used to predict the success of student founders in the program. As the data accumulate, Ressi says it can be used to look at the attributes of aspiring entrepreneurs on a regional basis.

Here’s how the average scores compare among the programs. (We’re unsure exactly how to read the numbers, but guess it’s based on a normalized scale from 0 to 5.):

—Seattle (2.72 / 5.00)

—Silicon Valley (2.66 / 5.00)

—New York (2.54 / 5.00)

—Washington DC (2.42 / 5.00)

—San Diego and Orange County (2.26 / 5.00)

Ressi told VentureBeat the test can predict two things with greater accuracy than 95 percent of published social science research. (Hmmm. Was he perhaps speaking sardonically about the quality of research in the social sciences?) One is to rank the quality of the idea that Founder Institute students will develop while they’re in the program. The other is how the student will perform at building a business during the four-month program.

When I asked Ressi to elaborate on why San Diego’s showing was weakest, he replied by e-mail: “‘Weakest’” is all relative, of course. Part of the situation in San Diego is that it had the lowest number of applicants, but everything was proportional to the relative market sizes. Silicon Valley was largest, followed by New York, Washington DC, Seattle (which is almost tied with Washington DC), and San Diego in terms of applicants.”

(Ressi did not respond when I asked if he could elaborate any further on why San Diego and Seattle were at opposite ends of the scale.)

The San Diego Founder Institute had 42 applications and enrolled 22 students in its program, which began in November and has scheduled its graduation for Feb. 23. “The class just finished the third class last week so it is hard to give an assessment,” writes Jeanine Jacobson, a San Diego partner of the Founder Institute. “December 7 is the first investor session where the Founders will be pitching to investors. At that time, we will be able to provide more feedback.”

Bruce V. Bigelow is the editor of Xconomy San Diego. You can e-mail him at bbigelow@xconomy.com or call 858-202-0492

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where oh where is arry?

Here I am! I've been hearing a lot of feedback these past few months about my lack of writing on the blog... and I am going to make a real concerted effort to do so going forward. Yes, hold me accountable to that.

What’s been on my mind lately, other than our start-up venture and my day job? While I tend to be the bubblier one that likes to skip along the sidewalk while singing love songs to my fuzzy baby, Mochi, I also have a very serious side – maybe even a little dark too. Lately (and by lately, I mean in the past couple of years), I've been obsessed with the world of relationships, of men and women – and as a result, I’ve come up with a lot of Confucius-like sayings. Friends have been calling me the fortune cookie. I'll share some of those as well, along with my rants and thoughts on how or why I think the way I do.

In the meantime - our site is almost ready to go!! We've got working pages, buttons that click, registration pages that create accounts, administration pages to manage our business, it's quite exciting!!! Keep your eyes peeled, ears open, and hearts pitter-pattering for us as we approach our soft launch. We think that our product is awesome – a site designed by women – for women.

Hugs,
Arry

motivating

Why do we do the things we do? It seems that if humans are the complex organisms that we pretend to be, we should be motivated by equally complex motivators, but the older I get, the more I feel like there are only two things that motivate human actions. Fear and hope.

An example: For the past month, three or four days a week, I have been getting up to the hideous shriek of my 10-year old alarm clock alarm at 6 a.m. Trying not to wake my cozily dreaming hubby, I pull on workout gear and brave the dark rainy streets to Seattle to get to Cross-fit, my latest endeavor at fitness. There, I do ridiculous things like:

-Carry a 44-lb kettlebell in each hand and walk around the block in the dark while drawing snickers from people at the bus stop (they only wish they could carry 88 lbs of metal around)
-Flip a 500-lb tire across the room (granted, with two other people)
-Ruthlessly pound the same 500-lb tire using a sledgehammer
-Double-jump rope backwards (OK, maybe this isn't too ridiculous to some)

This is all the while getting yelled at our well intentioned (we think) trainer who doesn't understand that some of us don't have fast twitch muscles. Oh yeah, and it's not cheap either. My motivation: fear. Fear of being fat. Fear of getting old. Fear of being weak. And the corollary of fear: hope. I know that I will never win any bodybuilding contests or run a 4-minute mile, but my aspirations for strength (and power, as our trainer likes to remind us) keep me going back for more.

Here's hoping that more of my actions will be guided by hope than fear.

Mina

persistence pays off

Is it national pride I am feeling? Or something else...

S. Korean woman passes driver's exam on 950th try

SEOUL, South Korea (AP) -- A woman in South Korea who tried to pass the written exam for a driver's license with near-daily attempts since April 2005 has finally succeeded on her 950th time.
The aspiring driver spent more than 5 million won ($4,200) in application fees, but until now had failed to score the minimum 60 out of a possible 100 points needed to get behind the wheel for a driving test.
Cha Sa-soon, 68, finally passed the written exam with a score of 60 on Wednesday, said Choi Young-chul, a police official at the drivers' license agency in Jeonju, 210 kilometers south of Seoul.
Police said Cha took the test hundreds of times, but had no specific total. Local media said she took the test 950 times.
Now she must pass a driving test before getting her license, Choi said.
Repeated calls to Cha seeking comment went unanswered. She told the Korea Times newspaper she needed the license for her vegetable-selling business.

Mina (thanks to Ron Hosogi for forwarding this!)

the power(lessness) of words

Everyone knows that relationships are important in starting and running a business. But how do you communicate effectively so that you can build those relationships? One study at UCLA indicated that up to 93 percent of communication effectiveness is determined by nonverbal cues. Another study indicated that the impact of a performance was determined 7 percent by the words used, 38 percent by voice quality, and 55 percent by the nonverbal communication. Time for a voice coach and maybe some method acting.

a milestone! design of site approved

A milestone in our company start-up process: we just approved the design for our website. It was hard to balance wanting to get it done and wanting the perfect look and feel(I seriously had to beat down the perfectionist in me so that I would not ask for a redo of every exclamation point, font size, etc), but we're very happy with what we have. Arry did a ton of work communicating with our developers -- thanks, Arry! I can't wait to see the finished product!

can entrepreneurship be taught?

Ten years ago, it was rare to find a course in entrepreneurship at a business school, even a large, well endowed one. Now, entrepreneurship courses of all kinds are everywhere -- from community colleges to the best business schools. The question is: can you teach this kind of thing?

The Small Business Administration recent released a study of business school alumni to compared the entrepreneurial activities of those who took an entrepreneurship course and those who did not. Here are the higlights:

-Those who took an entrepreneurship course both worked at and started their own entrepreneurial organization at a higher rate than those who didn't.

-Of those working at entrepreneurial organizations, the organizations of those who took an entrepreneurship course were much more likely to offer new services and products, file patents and use new production techniques.

-Those who took an entrepreneurship course were more likely to see themselves as effective or extremely effective at identifying new business opportunities.

Interesting stuff and begins to get at the question: Are entrepreneurs born or made? Of course, these are self-reports, and maybe all entrepreneurship courses do is teach people to talk a good game...

The "final four"

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of participating in a speaker session with Andy Liu, founder of buddytv.com and investor of 16 other businesses. He ended his talk with his "final four" of entrepreneurship (I don't really know what "final four" is a reference to (I'm assuming a sports reference), but the point is that these are the four most important things in starting and running a successful business).

1. "Sprint" attitude: Cut launch times in 1/2, reduce features, maximize testing, execute. In other words, get it to market as quickly as possible and make adjustments based on feedback.
2. Extreme focus: Focus on improving one tangible, measurable element of the business at a time. Make sure the whole company understands what your focus is so that they can act accordingly (this sounds like "make a matra" from Guy Kawasaki's Art of the Start to me).
3. Firm thesis: Act proactively based on your thesis/assumption about your market and your business rather than reacting. If you are in "reaction" mode, there will be no time/resources to enact the things that got you to start the business in the first place.
4. "Ring the bell" and celebrate: Give yourself at least 2 years -- start-ups are a marathon. Make sure you celebrate small victories and milestones to keep motivated.

For more from Andy, check out his blog: inspiredstartup.com.

10 "D's" of successful entrepreneurs

1. Dream: Entrepreneurs have a vision of the future and the ability to pursue their dreams
2. Decisiveness: They don't procrastinate. They make decisions swiftly.
3. Doers: Once they decide a course of action, they implement it as quickly as possible.
4. Determiniation: They implement with total commitment. They don't give up despite the obstacles.
5. Dedication: They are totally dedicated to their business.
6. Devotion: Entrepreneurs love what they do.
7. Details: Entrepreneurs must be on top of critical details.
8. Destiny: They want to be in charge of their own destiny.
9. Dollars: Money is not the reward. Money is viewed as the measure of success.
10. Distribute: Entrepreneurs distribute the ownership of their business.

france -- the land of customer service?

Last night, my hubby and I got back from a 10-day trip to France. Paris, Nice, Avignon, back to Paris then home to Seattle. The last time I was in France, I was barely 23 years old and spending a month in the French Alps just before starting grad school. In a town of 600, I spent the summer volunteering with other barely-out-of-college folks from all over the world, repairing the roof of the town's only chapel. (I don't have special affiliations with chapels; I happened to want to spend a month in France without spending much money and doing some good (if possible), and a friend hooked me up with this gig.) Back then, our DAILY meal budget was USD 5 and we took turns cooking in the boarding house (potatoes were often on the menu). As soon as we completed the project (which took the entire month despite its 15 ft x 15 ft size due to our rudimentary equipment -- we mixed cement and cut tiles by HAND!), tired of potatoes and stale bread, Maya, a Finnish woman who spoke 5 languages and had blond hair down to her knees (yes, knees), and I hitched a ride to Marseilles and decided we had had enough of France and moved onto the land of pizza, Italy.

This time around, I wanted to get a broader view of France (with a daily budget greater than 5 dollars). Forewarned both by the stereotype of the snotty French and the cautionary tales in travel books, I expected a rather resigned and resentful attitude towards us tourists, but I couldn't have been more wrong. From hotels to stores,to restaurants to train stations and even to airlines (and we all know that customer service and airlines don't always go together), we were pleasantly surprised and delighted at the attention and consideration that these businesses gave us. This reminded me of a fact about businesses -- most businesses, including high growth ones, do not start with a revolutionary idea or technology that changes life as we know it. They, instead, start businesses that are just like many other businesses. How do some differentiate themselves and succeed? By adapting to customer demand and by paying close attention to customer service. The cynical might say that the wonderful customer service we received was the businesses' attempt to reach deep into our dumb tourist pockets. But so what? That's how businesses succeed -- clearly knowing who the customers are and giving them what they want. I don't care that the businesses may not have been gracious to us merely in response to our charm and charisma (although I am not ruling that out either), I still want to say merci to all those that made my second trip so enjoyable. These businesses do it right -- the word "entrepreneurship" comes from French after all.

time keeps rolling...

It is hard to believe that Labor Day is in three days. Where did the time go? At the beginning of this year, when Arry and I began to seriously discuss and devise "action steps" to get our business off the ground, we really thought that we would have at least a working prototype by this time. As a researcher of entrepreneurship (this is my day job), if I can distance myself from our business and observe it as a third party, it is remarkable what a textbook start-up we are. Changes in our product? Check. Employee problems? Check. Partner disagreements? Occasionally. Major delays? Check. Spending more than projected? Definitely check. The good news is this: like all other entrepreneurs out there, we completely believe in our idea and are convinced we'll be providing a valuable service to our future clients.

the ultimate wedding registry

The entrepreneur way to the ultimate wedding registry - we love it! http://bit.ly/6pQQo

we're in development (finally!)

After months of searching and interviewing, on Friday last week, we finally settled on the developers to build our site (thanks to Arry for doing the bulk of evaluating). This decision coincided nicely with a hip and happenin' party co-hosted by Arry on her rooftop. Champagne, chocolate, sushi, cupcakes, limoncello, nice/nice-looking people, music played by real live human DJs and to top it off, raffled gifts of adult toys -- what better celebration can you ask for?

most original wedding processional

I just saw this video and wished I had been invited to the couple's wedding (I didn't even want a first dance at my own wedding, but I can certainly appreciate other people's moves).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

business planning

This week, I (Mina) have been working on a short business plan. We have been working on developing our business for over six months, but we don't yet have a written plan. In fact, I have steadfastly (and perhaps stubbornly) been resisting writing one. This resistance is partly a futile one-person backlash against the now-ubiquitous business plan competitions that seem to be taking place every other week in some form or other (I do work at a university after all). But mainly, it comes from a desire to avoid the fate of many I know who have written business plans, who work and work and work on the plan and run five thousand different projections on their trusted Excel spreadsheets and research every competitor they can think of only to find that three years later, they are still working on the plan.

This is how it seems to work: You write a plan. You are excited. Maybe you enter a contest. Maybe you make it to the finals. You show it to people. You get feedback. This is where things can take a nose drive. Someone says to you, "You know, this is an interesting idea, but I'm not really convinced by your "Target Market" section (or "Competition" section or "Financials" section or ...). You are smart enough to know that their point has merit. So you set out to revamp it by googling like crazy that night. But you don't get the kind of information you need (or even worse, you get contradictory information or too much information). You decide you need to devote a full day/week/month to this, which you don't have right now as you're too busy trying not to get laid off like most of your friends. You put the plan away until you can find that day/week/month. Pretty soon, the plan -- your once beautiful, exciting plan -- is buried in your computer harddrive under all that stuff that mysteriously download themselves onto your computer when you're not looking. Months pass. You almost forget that you have a business plan. One day, you are at work and realize for the 100th time that you work with morons and you've had it. You are going out on your own. You come home, you dig through your hard drive, find your plan and get back to work. You are savvier this time and recruit some friends to become partners. Together, you devote the next few weeks/months researching and working on the sections that were criticized. You finally have a draft, and the Excel expert who is now part of the "founding team" has even managed to make the charts look prettier than they were before. You send it off for some feedback. You're hoping the reader (who also happens to be well-endowed financially) will say, "This is brilliant! Here's a check for a million dollars for you to start and I only want 1% of the company." Instead, you get "I think I just heard of a company that is just like this. I can't remember the name. You should find out." (Or, "The "Target Market" section is too long and confusing. Focus!") You work on the plan some more. You google like crazy. You hold team meetings. Everyone agrees that the team needs to devote a full week/month to do this, no interruptions. Nobody can agree on a good time. You put the plan on hold until you can find that week/month. Meanwhile, your teammates get married, go on vacation, get laid off. Life happens. Pretty soon, the plan is once again buried in your computer harddrive. Months pass. One evening, you are out having cocktails when a friend says, "Hey, weren't you working on a business plan? Did you start?" You bop your head to the music, smile and pretend like you can't hear, but when you get home, you dig up businessplan_v2 and get to work. You send a midnight email to your team members, "Time to get back on track!" Being charismatic, you are able to rouse the troop. You get to work. You google like crazy. You finish v3, send it out to trusted advisors. And they say, ... Three years later, you are on v14 and still working on it.

I guess what I'm saying is, we wanted to get going rather than get paralyzed by all the information out there and even more than that, we didn't want to get hung up on producing a document which sometimes seems to take on a life of its own. Of course we did some back of the envelope projections to make sure that our future business made economic sense, and we held informal focus groups to make sure that we weren't the only two people in the world that had a need for our product. But because our start-up costs were relatively modest, we decided that the best way to proceed would be to create our e-commerce website and then get feedback from our customers on the actual product and make incremental changes based on the customer experiences. We're obviously not the only ones to forge ahead without the guidance of a plan. You're thinking, "Small businesses do it all the time. To be big, you need one." But in fact, Amir Bhide, who wrote the seminal book The Origins and Evolution of New Businesses, reported that 41 (forty one!) percent of Inc Magazine's 500 fastest growing companies wrote a business plan of any kind. Only 28% actually started with a full-blown plan.

So, why are we working on one now? Mostly, it is to keep us on track. We tried to keep everything in our heads and our heads just aren't big enough (or smart enough) to hold all of the ideas, decisions and milestones relevant to the successful launch of our business. And while "analysis paralysis" (a Bhide term) can be an ill side effect of business plans, research and analysis, there are also studies that link the writing of a formal business plan to various aspects of success in launching ventures. If we're like most start-ups, we will need all the help we can get, and so here comes the business plan.

5 months later

Well, we are still trying to take on the world, but in the process of doing so, we have completely neglected our fledgling blog. This is Mina, by the way -- Arry's partner, the one she bought her scooter from on that fateful day several years ago. Just like any other business start-up, in the past five months, we've had ups and downs and soul searches and panic attacks and moments of inspiration, and we've decided to commit to writing regularly on the blog, if for no other reason than to keep the two of us motivated. Actually, we have decided that I would post regularly on the blog since Arry has enough on her plate screening programmers and writing spec sheets and skyping in the middle of the night with offshore contractors all the while working at her day job (this is not because I am shirking my duties as a partner but because she, besides being bubblier, cuter and generally better-natured than I am, has more technical expertise than I do). So, ever the committed partner, here I am writing in my first blog ever while having a glass of wine and waiting for my green chile stew to cook (tasty, I hope!).

In the past months, we've had a few mishaps that have led to the delay of our launch (mainly the hiring (and then letting go) of two developers who turned out to be a little less proficient than we had thought (a big lesson in human resources for the two of us)). But outweighing these mishaps by far were the wonderful interactions that we've had with so many people in the process. It is really amazing how much time and thought people that you barely know are willing to give you. Here are some of the people we've met and talked to about our business since the last post (in no particular order):

-Michelle Engvall, my former wedding planner who made our wedding so much fun that I want to have one every year: Our business is a wedding-related one (to expand into other markets in time), so we went to Michelle to get her thoughts on our idea (she loved it, we were glad to hear).
-Melissa, the tall, funny proprietor of Belltown Bride, where I got my Amsale wedding dress with 70 rhinestones down the back for 1/2 the retail price.
-Darrin Massena, a friend who is also the founder of the popular and heralded piknik.com. This site seems to be getting an award or a mention in media every other week. The site is the best -- I work on all my photos on it before posting it any where public (especially to take the devil red out of my hubby's light eyes).
-Andy Liu, of BuddyTV. Smart, genuine guy -- one of the smartest people my husband says he has ever met, and he does not say this often! He has created the number one site in a space that is extremely crowded; we want to do what he did.
-Andy Kleitsch, founder of theweddingchannel.com (sold to The Knot) who has now founded Billing Revolution. Andy told us that the "gateway drug" for brides is wedding dresses.
-Phil Yuen, founder of a few start-ups, most recently textpayme, which was sold to that giant online retailer located in Seattle. He is a friend of Arry's from Cornell (so many Cornell alums in Seattle -- why is that?) and has given us much needed technical advice.
-Greg Gottesman, from Madrona Ventures. He is one of the friendliest VCs I have ever met. It meant a lot that he liked our idea (although yes, he had MANY pointed questions).
-Paul Anderson. He is a fascinating guy who specializes in teaching people how to network. Yes, networking isn't just about going to cocktail parties, there is a real science behind it and Paul can tell you about all about it. I was introduced to Paul by someone else I knew from my day job, and it turned out that Paul had attended a talk I gave a few months prior. Small world!
-Dan and Lara McComb, founders of Biznik. I was introduced to him by Paul because we were looking for developers. Paul thought that Dan would know some good ones. It turns out that not only did Dan know of a developer, he and Lara (his wife and business partner) were full of good feedback on our business (a lot was critical). Also, Dan is making a film, and he interviewed me for it! AND I am now collaborating on a survey of Biznik members to find out more about their experiences in starting their own businesses.

I am leaving out many, but green chile stew calls. So spicy!

Arry's in Seattle, Mina's in Tokyo

Hello, World!!!

Our first post on our very first blog. We are so excited and will be giving you updates on our comings and goings, ups and downs, and life in general. Please check back regularly to see what we've been up to!

So, how about I start with a little quick background? Mina and I met a few years ago - the summer of 2005. I had just had my very last public transit metrobus ride (that week, an assumingly nice looking girl sat next to me on the bus and and a few blocks later, to my horror, got sick all over me). I made a decision to invest in a scooter by posting an ad on Craigslist - to which, Mina responded. I bought my beautiful pearlescent 2004 Piaggio LT50 from her. We had cocktails afterwards, where I often tell people, it was love at first "cosmo-on-the-rocks!"

Fast forward four years, January 2009, Mina and I incorporated and started our first entrepreneurial business together. We've taken an ingenious idea from concept to prototype - and are working furiously to see our business dreams come true!

More to come...
Good night, world!
~Arry