the platinum rule of a polarized relationship

The platinum relationship rule goes something like this:

Man must treasure his woman;
Woman must respect her man.

Many of those who hang around me enough have heard me say this many times. Some even say that I sound like an old lady or a fortune cookie - yea, so what? I've spent at least the past decade of my life trying to understand relationships - and this is the holy grail to the world of relationships (between man and woman - other gender pairings, I do not know) that sums up my beliefs.

What do I mean by having spent the past decade of my life trying to understand relationships? For one, I grew up in a very conservative family where the past generations of women did not date. When they came of age, the family found a respectable suitor and they married. It's the way it was. Unfortunately, my mother and some aunts did not marry their preferred choices - and some are still married, and some are not. I decided early on that I would take charge of my own destiny. I’ve done things differently than the family prefers. I wanted to test and learn about the world of relationships before happily committing to my one and only forever. I've dated younger, older, shorter, investment banker, lawyer, deep sea diver, poet, rocket scientist, engineer, ... (and by dated - I mean researched, and anywhere from 3 dates to full on years of real relationships, but mostly 3 dates or weeks). I also spend countless hours talking to people about relationships - why did they marry, how did they know that s/he was the one, do they fight, why do they work, why didn't they work, etc...?

Polarized relationships: This is probably worth another blog article, but I'll give you the quick and dirty. Today, many people believe the ideal relationship is one where you are equal partners, everything split 50-50, and right down the middle. Man and woman sharing responsibilities 50-50 in everything: cooking, cleaning, yard work, etc. Boring. Right. Why? Because men and women are different. We have different needs. We should have different roles and responsibilities (think 80-20 rule). Polarity between a man and a woman is what creates that tension between two people, also known as chemistry, zazazoom, and passion. Without it, you might as well be dating/be married to your brother or sister. Men and women are not equal (at least in relationship speak).

So back to the platinum rule of relationships: Now, agreeing that men and women are different and understanding that a polarized relationship is important to a happy relationship - with mutual respect towards each other a given, of course (emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually) - this is the platinum rule. Man, who loves to be the protector driving towards his vision of happiness, needs a woman partner whom he'll treasure and find his sense of freedom/peace with. Woman, who loves to be giving and filled with love needs a man partner, whom she'll respect and entrust him to drive/steer their journey together. Yes, not so "P.C." - we need to get over that.

As for me, that means I need to be with a man whom I can trust - where I can be free to let go of some of these reigns and take care of the things that really matter to me: family, home, art/ music, helping others, and changing the world.

~Arry