what's in rubberbands and ropes?

Ah, ... so I mentioned rubberbands and theories a few posts ago.  I've been pondering this a bit over the past couple years, and more recently, the past couple weeks.  Conclusion.  Yes, I believe them. 

Rubberband Theory:
So this was the invention of John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.  Awesome and worthwhile read if you haven't read it yet.  Synopsis: the rubberband theory refers to the male intimacy cycle.  Men lose themselves when he has been deeply intimate with a woman for an extended period of time - in pulling away and going into a "cave" (figuratively), it's a way for him to find himself again.  Gray says, "Pulling away gives him time to reestablish his personal boundaries and fulfill his need to feel independent."  So that's the rubber band theory. 

Advice for the woman who has a partner in "cave" mode:

1. Don't chase, pull, force it, demand from him.  Give him space. 
2. Trust in your man, your relationship.  Rubberband stretches away - and rubberband will bounce back to you stronger than before.  Rubberband and cave time is good for him and the relationship.
3. Take care of yourself. Remember what I wrote before?  Confidence is a woman's inner goddess - hang with the girls, do girls' trips or girls' night out, spa days, read a book, chick flicks, ... 

Rope Theory:
Now rope theory - I had never heard of this before until I overheard the crew of colleagues I work with in my day job as a happy-go-lucky IT consultant.  It's always so interesting to hear this stuff from the man's point of view.  Background - my IT consulting colleagues are generally men.  No surprise there - IT, high tech, men.  My particular company, group of IT consulting colleagues are good men.  Good people - very important to me.  In general, my colleagues are happily married devoted family men - so when I heard them chuckling away at this rope theory, my ears perked up and away I went asking them questions about it whenever I got a chance.

Rope theory: when in a relationship, men have to remember to "pull the relationship rope".  Rein the rope in.  I heard this and I went, "WHAT, FOR SERIOUS!?"  Wait, what do you mean?  So you've heard me say it before many times, man must treasure his woman, woman must respect her man, - this totally goes along with that idea.  I realized that until very recently, I've been looking at the relationship bus all wrong.  The bus driver is not the man, it's the woman.  The navigator is not the woman, it's the man.  Net - the man has to give his woman a lot of rope, to say what she wants to say, to be who she is, do what she wants to do; and if she starts driving the bus off the prescribed path, the man's gotta pull the rope in and get the bus back on track.  (Of course, all this in an appropriate manner and respectfully.) 

An example one colleague gave me was one where he described his very extroverted wife who loves to pack their social calendar.  He's a very introverted guy and doesn't enjoy the social events as much.  The events become draining - and home duties start piling up when the couple is out often.  He reigns the rope in and says something to the effect of, let's take it more easy this weekend and take care of our home... what do you think? 

There's a bit of truths in these theories.  I'm liking these.  More to ponder...

~Arry

flowers - are they in your tool bag for your woman?

Yesterday, as we lounged side-by-side watching Korean dramas, I asked Mina, "do you like receiving flowers"? She replied, "Yes. I love the life of the flowers. I hate cleaning up dead flowers afterwards."

Hmm... I guess I sort of agree. I'd put way more weight on the I love... flowers part. :)

Flowers - they're still one of the best and most simple ways to bring a smile to a woman's face. Traditional. Old school. Romantic. You ask a guy about his thoughts on this ... and very often it's one of those overlooked, under-appreciated tools in a guy's bag of courtship/relationship tricks. Why? Flowers are just soooooo impractical, frivolous, and ... old school. No. Flowers are a timeless symbol of love and affection, and every woman deserves to be adored. Men, bring it back to the top of your tool bag. Flowers are in.

Did you know that back in the day (and I mean back in the day to the age of the togas, robes, and gladiators) that flowers had special meaning and powers? Yes. Powers.

Did you know that back in the day when a man wanted to officially start courting the woman (of his dreams), he presented her with a bouquet of flowers to begin the courtship?

Did you know that different flowers and colors have special meanings? You know something about this if you're Asian. Lilacs - first love. Red roses - passionate love (red roses are in!). Pink roses - friendship. Stargazer - ambition (one of my favs). Magnolia - dignity (def one of my favs - I go look at Magnolia trees in the Arboretum every year. So majestic.).

For a woman, a bouquet of flowers is a gift that moves many of our senses. Think... "bang for the buck". They're pretty to our eyes (just like a woman should be to a man's eyes - ah ha! How symbolic.) They smell awesome as they bloom (smells are important to a relationship - I say, I tend to fall in love via smell. Many women would agree). Flowers are soft to touch (just like a woman's hands, face and skin). Flowers help a woman take a moment during the day to stop and literally "smell the roses" (or whatever flowers she has in her lovely possession). She'll stop and think about her man, the relationship, ... and smile.

You get it?

And for women: women need to appreciate that the act of buying flowers is uncomfortable for a man. It takes him out of his comfort zone. It's not natural (like buying car parts is...). When a man buys flowers for a woman - he's gone out of his comfort zone. A man buys flowers for a woman that he adores because the act is worth it to him to make her happy. Knowing that her man put in effort makes a woman happy. If your man gets you flowers, show some delightful appreciation. Seriously. Your man deserves to know that he is your hero.

~Arry