[6] marathon

The world of startups and the world of love have so much in common, and I'm starting to realize that it comes down to two main things:

1) the world of startups + the world of love are based on the foundational pillar of Faith.  Faith is the main pillar.  Without it, everything else is nothing.  It's a must.  Faith in the dream, in the past/present/future, in each other.  Assure your partner (whether it's business or love) with your words and behavior that s/he can have complete faith in you.  Be open - whatever you do, do it openly and honestly.  Don't play games.  Don't do it.  Look out for anything that'll weaken this pillar - kill any inkling or tiny bit of suspicion early and quickly. 

2) the world of startups + the world of love is like a marathon.  Assuming you've got Faith as a pillar that you are actively maintaining and growing - then it's about the marathon.  Pace.  Breathing.  Stretching.  Training.  Growing.  Working.  Persevering.  It takes diligence, hard work, and a common vision.  If you've ever run long distances before, you'll totally get what I mean.  Undeniable, unwavering focus.


Yours,
Arry

woman quits her job to take break and find a husband

Perspective, perspective, perspective.  Again... the question comes to: are you a career woman or a woman-with-a-career?  What are your priorities?  If you have to make choices - what is more important to you?  Can you be a career woman AND have it all?  Do you want children and a family?  What do you think? Do women need a man? Is Julia Yarbough crazy? Did she wait too long to try to find a husband? Is this her due "punishment" for putting career first?

We hope the best for you, Julia - We hope you are doing well and think it's great to take the time to take care of yourself.  Personally I don't believe in chasing men - but taking the approach in taking a breather, giving yourself space to be introspective - and giving a good man the opportunity to come into your life and find you - that works.  (The full story, here.)

~Arry

[2b] why are you doing all this, part ii

As I was giving my schpeel a couple days ago to this great community organization that helps at-risk youth, Community for Youth (http://www.communityforyouth.org/) by providing dedicated adult mentors to the kids - another reason came up that I wanted to share.

2b. We're less connected than before [continuation of 'Connecting Hearts' from my April 11, 2010 post]
With all the tools we have out there to connect us more: pda's, cell phones, text messaging, emailing devices, twitter, facebook, myspace... and the amount of time we spend physically alone in our individual cars, apartments, and cubicles...  we're less connected than we were 50 years ago, 100 years ago.  Human beings are social beings - we were meant to talk face-to-face, to touch and hug, to be social.  Now with all this technology - I can work anytime, any where... all the time.  Even now... past midnight, I'm sitting here writting on a blogger...

I'm tired.  Tomorrow I'll get up, check my email in the morning.  Walk my darling fuzzy dog, Mochi in the morning.  Play a few rounds of fetch.  Feed her.  Hug her.  Love her. Get in my car and drive my self to work where I'll set up camp at a contractor's station and sit behind a laptop all day long at my client site.  I'll have a couple meetings here and there.  I'll drive my self back home.  I'll walk my dog again.  Play more rounds of fetch with her.  Feed her.  Hug her.  Love her.  Get behind the computer again...  I'm still tired.  I'll text and facebook friends inbetween in an attempt to share some love.  It's just not the same as a real live in-person meaningful hug.  It just isn't.

So that's another reason for you.  Real hugs are better than virtual ones.  Wish my fuzzy dog would wake up and give me a damn hug right now...

Good night,
Arry

[3] ... ever have someone say to you, you're too nice?

Ever have someone tell you you're too nice to them? It doesn't matter if you were being "too nice" to a boy, to a girl, to a man, to a woman, to a friend.  Ever have someone say they don't deserve your love?  Has it happened to you? 

If so - run.  Run far away in the opposite direction of the person that just said it.  If it's happened to you recently, ...  run!  That's a big [big, big] red flag - and it usually means, that recipient of your niceness and love doesn't deserve it.  A girlfriend whom I met on the eve of 2007 told me this one time as we were sitting on the floor of my living room chit-chatting away about life and love.  She said, "You know what I dislike the most, Arry?  I really dislike it when someone says You're too nice."  ...  and her words hit me hard.  It was like someone took a gong and slammed my heart against it.  I used to hear those words often.  You're too nice.  What in the word - I'm too nice!?!?!???  Why can't a person just be kind, nice, loving just because?  Ah... well, experience...

Because the undeserving person will take advantage of you.  I heard these words again in the past year - and against my better judgement I stuck around a little way too long.  It means I have to be careful of who I spend my time with, with whom I open my heart to and allow in, ...  but the idealistic romantic in me wishes I didn't have to be so careful... and that the deserving one will appreciate my gifts to them.

What do you think?

Good night,

Arry

[2] arry, ... why are you doing this?...

That seems to be the theme question of the week, "Arry, why.... why are you doing all this?"  Why... why... it's ingrained in my blood. I want to change the world - make it a better place for everyone.  I want hearts to feel, intentions to be good, good people to meet other good people, ...   Isn't it everyone's reason for doing what they do?  I'm literally sitting here after a three hour brainstorming and planning session for my next big event that's coming up this summer...  I am so so so excited to put this event together.  A lot of my close friends are worried - because I'm putting a big chunk of skin in the game for this...  But really, why?  I don't know... or maybe I do.  It seems like a fun thing to do...  Well, why comes down to these three core values:

1. Selfless Service:
At an early age, my mother had me playing the piano and violin for the elderly and church every weekend.  Sometimes I wanted to sleep, go out and play instead...  She said if you've got a gift, it's your duty to share it with others.  And really, being able to touch the hearts of the forgotten elderly left in nursing homes ... that was a gift all in its own.  I get a high when I meet hearts-of-gold.  I'm touched to the core when I see selfless acts of love like a father spending time with his child and when a person gives "just because". 

2. Connecting Hearts:
Here's a memory I can share with you.  In college, I became really excited about the cause around multicultural-diversity and acceptance.  There was one evening where I was being a bookworm at our local Barnes and Noble when I was home in upstate NY for the Christmas holidays - and I heard this really cool folksy-hip chick (who was from Seattle!!!) playing the guitar singing in the cafe.  I thought... wow: MUSIC... music is a common language that everyone understands.  ...  I found a way to raise money through the Cornell Student Affairs office and  Office of Minority Affairs to bring the Seattle folk chick to Ithaca- and put on a concert for all the students.  The concert provided a forum for people from all walks of life, of different colors and cultures, to sit together, listen to music and share the experience.  The event didn't make any money.  Anyways... Music is one of my first loves...  it's the language of the heart.  I saw it work then in connecting hearts... and I hope to see it work again this June...

3. Servant Leadership:
At the end of it all, it's about servant leadership - where giving is from the heart, and not about the ego.  Leading in a way that makes human sense for the greater good.  For those that are also engaged with community and nonprofits, you know that to really give back, you have to walk into that community/nonprofit with an open heart and mind; the ego is nowhere to be seen, the badges/diplomas/age/gender/...  all those ego-related "things" have to be left behind when you enter the world of Giving.  I heard a slightly funny story about an extremely intelligent, smart, wildly successful man who walked into a community organization with the intention of volunteering and giving back.  The intent was good - points there.  He was assigned the lowly position of filing papers for his first "project" - and he was shocked.  He couldn't do it.  In the world of giving, you have to think with human-sense - you have to get to know the organization, the people and earn the right/trust of the people.  Ego has no place in giving.

Reminds me of what my mom said a bunch of times to me growing up that you may have heard me say - and it really rang a bell in my heart.  Arry... no matter how rich you may be, how smart you are, how successful...  it'll never bring you love/peace if you have neighbors that are suffering.  (Of course, she said this in Korean... but you get the gist).  ... 

And hey... isn't this what love is about?  Love is selfless, accepting, and giving. 

Hugs,
Arry

[1]... we all want to love, to be loved, right?

I had two conversations on the topic of love today (what a surprise) that left some marks on my heart.  My day is over and I'm feeling a little somber, tired...  ... just tired.  Why are we so cynical when it comes to love?  Why do we make it so hard for each other?

Couple snapshots from the conversations:

1. Man has to be honorable, respectable, respectful (on the inside!) for a woman to respectfully follow him.  It's not about the money, the car... work on your "insides" too.  My friend and I talked about how as a society, we've hit "gender neutrality" = wimpy men, alpha women.  I swear by this, and I'll repeat it over and over again - Man must treasure his woman, woman must respect her man.  We've lost that precious balance between man and woman.  Step it up and own it (men).  Relax, let go, it's ok to be feminine (women).
2. Come on girls... if you're living with him, over the age of 25, and it's been years... walk away.  He doesn't know or is too damn wimpy to end it himself.  When you talk to a guy and he's contemplating proposing to his girlfriend - and he's not-so-excited, thinking about waiting it out a little longer to see if there's something wrong with her, ...  I just don't know.  The romantic in me is crying, screaming for mercy.  I'm sad...  I hope he lets go of his fear and takes a leap.  Love has to be fearless sometimes.
3. There's hope in this world when our family friend who is the most determined to never get married finally says something like, "I think I've found a girl I want to be with - and no one else".  Who hooo!!!  Love is so much better that way - meaningful, committed, ... intentional love. 

Good night,
Arry

do You still love me?

I hit a funny point in my life recently (past 6 months) where it seems like everything is suddenly making sense.  Things were suddenly becoming clear.  Funny how experiencing challenges in life helps you grow the most.  I have an idea of what I'm looking for, what I'm not.  The "fortune cookie" like sayings that I thought were my original thoughts...  not so original (someone's already thought of them, been saying them, been preaching them I've very recently learned). 

Humbling.

Past 6 months, I've also realized, "No Way Jose", my future husband's definitely gotta be Christian.  Enough with being the free-spirited-Arry-equal-opportunity blah-blah-blah - it ain't working.  I'm not equal opportunity.  No.  The values are all so very different (that's what I mean when I say my thoughts not-so-original.  Turns out, they are very Biblical.  My values are Christian - and it's taken me this long to put two and two together).  I began poking at friends' to see if they go to church, what church they go to, what they say about their church and their feelings about it...  and that says a lot about whether or not I want to take the time to go there. 

Last year, the search in finding my return path back to God began (especially recently, with the motivation of a very nice person).  My heart is there, it's been there for some time... but the brain has a little more thinking to do today.  "In the search for God, you revert from what attracts you and swim towards which is difficult.  You abandon your comforting and familiar habits with the hope... that something greater [is up there. Taking the leap of faith.] 

I just want God.  I want God inside me.  I want God to play in my bloodstream the way sunlight amuses itself on water" (E. Gilbert).  I want to be that shining light I wrote about in all of my college applications a dozen years ago. 

Hello, again.  Do You still love me?  Will You take me back?

~Arry

time to start listening.

I'm feeling bombarded with sounds lately... my senses feeling overwhelmed.  I'm sensitive to unnatural bright LED and florescent lights, the annoyance of my phones ringing and pinging, my computer, the tv, music being played too loudly, ...  It's too much.

We're bombarded all day long, all night long these days - how does anyone find the down-time (and I mean TRUE down-time where one can be at peace with oneself, with nature, with God)?  It takes way too much effort - more effort than it should to find silence (silence from all of the unnatural man made sounds of machinery and technology).  This is taking way too much effort.

"The resting place of the mind is the heart... and the only place the mind will ever find peace is inside the silence of the heart".  Silence.  Meditation.  Prayer.  Time for a timeout.  Time to start really listening.

~Arry

the true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive

Read this love story recently and wanted to share it with you. Love means something very real to me, more than words can explain.  I have not and will not let love become spoiled from those who were careless in how they handled my heart.  (Neither should you).  To me, love is best taught though a person's actions - in this story, the act of loving without having seen a person's face.  Isn't this what the word faith is all about?

John fell in love with a woman.  He stood by his love and owned it all the way through.

John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose.

His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Hollis Maynell. With time and effort he located her address. She lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and ... [Read the rest of the story here]

"Tell me whom you love," Houssaye wrote, "And I will tell you who you are..."

~*~*~

Bring it! and then, ... Own it!
-- Arry

eight habits of happy couples

Read an article somewhere in the past few months and thought I'd share my own list with "tidbits" here and there based on my own experiences/research.

The most successful couples 1) make an active commitment every day to their partner, it's a choice you make and then don't screw it up; 2) are in tune with their partner - this requires a strong commitment to communicate (and this doesn't always have to be verbally) and 3) have strong respect for the other as a good person (they share the same values/vision for the future).  I'm going to repeat this again afterwards.

1. Say "I love you" and "Have a good day": Show your partner that you have good intentions for your love and for their well being.
2. Walk hand-in-hand/side-by-side: This is a must.  It shows you like being together, that you are "equals".  You and your love move at your own pace - the world is your playground.
3. Go to bed at the same time: Remember the early days when you couldn't wait to be in bed together? This is prime "connecting" time for you and your partner.
3a. Say "Good night" every night, no matter what: Actively commit once a day - show through your actions that you are choosing to be committed to your loved one every day.
4. Common+Uncommon interests: Have both common interests/hobbies and those you do on your own. Both are important to maintain balance in the relationship. (Don't try and always outperform your partner either).
5. Make trust/forgiveness your default mode: Focus more on what your partner does right: Believe in their good intentions and take a leap of faith and trust them sometimes.  You should have already screened your partner for integrity, trustworthiness, strong values before committing to them.
6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work: Human touch is very important - human beings are social beings. Hugs and touch relax and comfort - and studies have also shown that couples that hug/kiss more, have stronger immune systems. I call it "belly love".
7. Do a "weather" check during the day: it'll help you be in sync/in tune with each other.  When you can, ask your partner how their day is going.  Some people don't want to be disturbed at work - so do this as appropriate.
8. Be proud to be seen with your partner: because you belong together!  ^_^

These are habits. With the right partner, these should come automatically - or you should really want to make them habits with that partner and consistently do them to make them habits (21 days straight to make a habit, right?).

Again, the most successful couples 1) make an active commitment every day to their partner, it's a choice you make and then don't screw it up; 2) are in tune with their partner - this requires a strong commitment to communicate (and this doesn't always have to be verbally) and 3) have strong respect for the other as a good person (share the same values/vision for the future).

I've been mulling over my next posting lately: about the rubberband theory and the rope theory.  More to come.

~Arry

unconditional love, it's a warm fuzzy thing & totally worth it

Seriously... when I got Mochi (on the right) back in July 2005, I had no idea how much this bundle of fuzz would change my life. She shed, she cried, she needed to be walked every two hours, she was afraid of heights, she's always been a super picky eater, she snores, she lets out some majorly stinky farts, ... she chewed up my favorite pair of blue glasses, a pair of beaded heels, my antique sofa (which I got re-upholstered by hand), ... we've had nights in the emergency room to boot where I was worried sick.

This fuzzy baby of mine is like a daughter. She crept into my heart and changed the way I understand life and love forever. Dust, hairballs, mess... whatever. Mud in the car from her muddy paws after playing outside in the park... it's ok. Come home to a bundle of joy and happiness that loves you unconditionally... it means the world to me. I love to see her smile and wag her tail. She even does a booty shake when she's super excited.

She doesn't care if I'm having a bad hair day, if I smell of stress and work, if I'm feeling fat, or if I am cranky because I hadn't eaten all day. She loves me for me. Shouldn't all love be like that? I want love like that with my future husband. Playful love. Accepting. Understanding. Loyal.

~Arry

which one are you: career woman or a woman with a career?

The dictionary defines a career woman as: "woman is a woman with a career who is interested in working and progressing in her job, rather than staying at home looking after the house and children"
http://dictionary.reverso.net/english-cobuild/career%20woman
http://encarta.msn.com/dictionary_1861687171/career_woman.html

Then, what's a woman with a career? I can't seem to find the official definition online - I'd contend that the definition would go something like this: "A woman who is primarily focused on the home and family as her priority, regardless of how successful she may be in her job/career. She prioritizes love, relationships, the family unit above her career.

I'd also modify the official versions of the definitions of a career woman to go more like this: "A woman who is primarily focused on the success of her job/career, over that of the home and family". She is driven and motivated by her own success.

There have been dozens of articles and blog posts about career women - and the fact you ought to avoid these kinds of women, such as: http://www.slate.com/id/2148274/. A lot with strong language about how career women are divorce prone or unable to prioritize in their roles as women first (implying a woman's role is centered around the family and home).

Personally, I tend to agree. If you were to ask me which one I am... I'd say I am a woman with a career. I am passionate for the happiness of those around me (myself included, my family, friends, etc...). A woman (in general) is built to thrive on giving and receiving love - on feelings of want and being needed and appreciated. It is what it is. Women and men = we are different.

~Arry