do You still love me?

I hit a funny point in my life recently (past 6 months) where it seems like everything is suddenly making sense.  Things were suddenly becoming clear.  Funny how experiencing challenges in life helps you grow the most.  I have an idea of what I'm looking for, what I'm not.  The "fortune cookie" like sayings that I thought were my original thoughts...  not so original (someone's already thought of them, been saying them, been preaching them I've very recently learned). 

Humbling.

Past 6 months, I've also realized, "No Way Jose", my future husband's definitely gotta be Christian.  Enough with being the free-spirited-Arry-equal-opportunity blah-blah-blah - it ain't working.  I'm not equal opportunity.  No.  The values are all so very different (that's what I mean when I say my thoughts not-so-original.  Turns out, they are very Biblical.  My values are Christian - and it's taken me this long to put two and two together).  I began poking at friends' to see if they go to church, what church they go to, what they say about their church and their feelings about it...  and that says a lot about whether or not I want to take the time to go there. 

Last year, the search in finding my return path back to God began (especially recently, with the motivation of a very nice person).  My heart is there, it's been there for some time... but the brain has a little more thinking to do today.  "In the search for God, you revert from what attracts you and swim towards which is difficult.  You abandon your comforting and familiar habits with the hope... that something greater [is up there. Taking the leap of faith.] 

I just want God.  I want God inside me.  I want God to play in my bloodstream the way sunlight amuses itself on water" (E. Gilbert).  I want to be that shining light I wrote about in all of my college applications a dozen years ago. 

Hello, again.  Do You still love me?  Will You take me back?

~Arry