you get what you deserve

The strongest single factor that affects your life's outcome is self-esteem: believing in yourself, believing you can do it, believing you deserve it, believing you will get it. ... believing you are worth every bit of it. (HELLS YEA!)

Yes, you get what you deserve. You get what you put into "it" - and how you deal with the challenges that come along life's way - that's character.

Here's me. 24 hours or so after my last post last night. It's ok to fall, I felt safe to do that. It's ok to not to fall, I feel safe today. Mochi got my back. Katya's got my back. Mina's got my back. Roy's got my back. Randy's got my back. That list could go on and on - and I feel very blessed to be surrounded with the people I consider to have hearts of gold. Know who's truly on your team.

People with hearts of gold. Strength of character. Honorable. Respectable. Respectful.
Tonight, you inspire me. Inspire me to shake it off and march on forward.

Bring it!

~Arry

is it okay now for me to fall?

Read 2 books this weekend. I had been resisting this book for so long but finally broke down and read it (after cleverly loading onto my delightfully naked Kindle) the yesterday after my catchup phone call with Kate. She said I had to read it. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

I agree. Definite must read. I had no idea it would be so insightful. Mina mentioned it cleverly yesterday too. She is so wise.

24 hours later, I spent today pretty upbeat and optimistic about the world around me. My usual routine involves regular pep-talks with Mochi (yes, my dog) and my imaginary BFF whom I have inner monologues with. I read blogs now. I find words of wisdom, quotes, write down thoughts that give me that "umph" of emotional caffeine to get me up and going - I tweet them. I do. I put on a happy face, I put on an air of Miss Tough Independent Super Cool Fun Go Getter Chick - I go about my day. Today, that did not happen quite according to plan.

6AM - Woke. Energized. Threw in a couple blog entries. Felt proud. Yea!!
830AM - Walked Mochi. Started eyes down tho. Reminded myself, hold your head up. It's ok.
9AM - Back in bed. Reading. Semi energized and optimistic (from the Mochi-walk pep talk)
10AM - Sinking and my mind is vacillating between an emotional blank stare and sleep
11AM - force myself to get up and clean
Noon - Work meeting. Met with Matt to go over piles of financials and PnLs.
2PM - Grab brother and go to dear Sonja's place for an amazing meal. Stuffed my face for the first time in weeks. Food actually stayed in - and is still in.
530PM - Back home. Pangs of regret and realizations of relief start hitting me.
630PM - Advil. Advil. Advil. My body hurts. My head hurts. My heart hurts.
730PM - Distracting myself via emails, business plans, BRDs
800PM - In bed. "Darkness" is setting. My body still hurts. My head hurts. My heart hurts.
10PM - Another realization: I haven't allowed myself any time in the "dark" side in months.
1030PM - Writing about it so I can share it with someone other than my inner BFF.

It's been a rough past few months. When the stress gets loaded on, I tend to try and load on more because that forces me to go into "survival" mode - I get more done, I put on a stoic can-do attitude, I'm here for you. Work stress, my family in town, brother moving to Seattle, relationship, businesses, projects, friends in hospital, people to meet, things to do, smiles to wear, money to raise, people to help, smiles to share.

I haven't let myself just be in a few months (Result: on the verge of tears always. A passive aggressive happy yet bitter attitude - commentary made on this the other week by colleagues). It hit me today - I think I'm actually finally allowed to be right now. I'm going to allow myself to be - to not worry about being strong for someone else. They are okay - they will be okay - I trust that. I'm going to fall now and deal with all the negative emotions, the hurt, the tiredness, the loneliness, the pain, the fear of letting someone down, fear of being fat, fear of looking ugly, ... and just be. Falling hard.

That's the realization. While men need to retreat into caves to deal with solving problems/ overwhelming stress, be selfish and find their inner "mojo"... women need time and a safe place to just be, to be weak and vulnerable, to release sadness/anger/pain/tiredness - that's how women find our inner goddess. Don't judge her while she's at the bottom of the well.

~Arry
PS. Fail - blog post greater than 500 words. Oh well.

update: i made yelp elite last week!

I'm sorry, so sorry, I was going to give you an update earlier. If you follow me on Twitter (@ArryinSeattle), you know already.

I made Yelp Elite! http://arry.yelp.com

Let me share with you the funny and quirky beginning to the Yelp Elite invitation:

"You clearly rock! Because those fingers of yours have been on a real roll with all of the super detailed, funny, tip givin' and informative reviews you've been writing lately! Seriously, your reviews have been some of the best we've read from the Seattle area and that's why we come to your inbox today, to make ya an offer ya can't refuse. Well we guess you can, but where's the fun in that!?! So here goes...
We'd officially like to invite you to join the Yelp Seattle Elite Squad!

*insert crowd roar here*

And then, the beginning to my Yelp Elite acceptance letter:

WELL LOOK AT YOU LUCKY LOO!

You are now part of the official Seattle Yelp Elite squad! You can go ahead and take a moment if you need to as we know this is probably one of THE best days of your life! ;)

~*~*~

Clearly an excited and quirky group I belong to now. I now have one of those little red boxes that say "Elite '10" in my yelp profile. Yippee. I'll report back to you when I learn more. Thanks again to my Yelp mentors Eugene and Henry for introducing me to this interesting world. Let's see if I stick with it.

~Arry

flowers - are they in your tool bag for your woman?

Yesterday, as we lounged side-by-side watching Korean dramas, I asked Mina, "do you like receiving flowers"? She replied, "Yes. I love the life of the flowers. I hate cleaning up dead flowers afterwards."

Hmm... I guess I sort of agree. I'd put way more weight on the I love... flowers part. :)

Flowers - they're still one of the best and most simple ways to bring a smile to a woman's face. Traditional. Old school. Romantic. You ask a guy about his thoughts on this ... and very often it's one of those overlooked, under-appreciated tools in a guy's bag of courtship/relationship tricks. Why? Flowers are just soooooo impractical, frivolous, and ... old school. No. Flowers are a timeless symbol of love and affection, and every woman deserves to be adored. Men, bring it back to the top of your tool bag. Flowers are in.

Did you know that back in the day (and I mean back in the day to the age of the togas, robes, and gladiators) that flowers had special meaning and powers? Yes. Powers.

Did you know that back in the day when a man wanted to officially start courting the woman (of his dreams), he presented her with a bouquet of flowers to begin the courtship?

Did you know that different flowers and colors have special meanings? You know something about this if you're Asian. Lilacs - first love. Red roses - passionate love (red roses are in!). Pink roses - friendship. Stargazer - ambition (one of my favs). Magnolia - dignity (def one of my favs - I go look at Magnolia trees in the Arboretum every year. So majestic.).

For a woman, a bouquet of flowers is a gift that moves many of our senses. Think... "bang for the buck". They're pretty to our eyes (just like a woman should be to a man's eyes - ah ha! How symbolic.) They smell awesome as they bloom (smells are important to a relationship - I say, I tend to fall in love via smell. Many women would agree). Flowers are soft to touch (just like a woman's hands, face and skin). Flowers help a woman take a moment during the day to stop and literally "smell the roses" (or whatever flowers she has in her lovely possession). She'll stop and think about her man, the relationship, ... and smile.

You get it?

And for women: women need to appreciate that the act of buying flowers is uncomfortable for a man. It takes him out of his comfort zone. It's not natural (like buying car parts is...). When a man buys flowers for a woman - he's gone out of his comfort zone. A man buys flowers for a woman that he adores because the act is worth it to him to make her happy. Knowing that her man put in effort makes a woman happy. If your man gets you flowers, show some delightful appreciation. Seriously. Your man deserves to know that he is your hero.

~Arry

USA Today to follow 5 entrepreneurs for 6 months

Five entrepreneurs were chosen among 1800 candidates by USA Today to be followed for six months as they attempt to start/grow their businesses. Their businesses cover a range of products: wine, botox, peanuts, home inspection and vacation rentals. Can't wait to follow their ups and downs. Here is the story.

will i make it to yelp elite status?

Different topic today. The joys of the online world. Here's my brief history. Was majorly addicted to AOL back in the day with our first home computer, the IBM PS1 (1991-1997). Did lots of ICQing and Friendster in college (speaking of which - they've gotten quite the face lift! http://www.friendster.com/). 2006 signed up for MySpace while traveling a whole bunch when I worked for KPMG. Even went on a date with a cute Cornell guy that found me on it. 2007 quit MySpace. In the meantime, picked up Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/arry.shin). Got really hooked on the whole poking and superpoking bit. Puahahaha. I threw a sheep at you and then bitch-slapped you. Puahahahaha. Now I share hot chocolate and tickle you. *wink* 2009 gave Twitter a try (@ArryinSeattle). Five months later, I'm still on it. 2010.... Yelp (http://arry.yelp.com). Yes, Yelp.

Notice all the links I'm putting into the blog? I have heard that it's a good practice in the world of blogging, so making an effort to do that.

Back to Yelp. I've always (and I mean always) enjoyed food and dining out. I think when I first moved to Seattle and had access to real adult money, spent like $2,000-2,500/month on eating out (with my boyfriend at the time). Yes... we ate REALLY well. Always thought how nice it would be to put together a list of the good and bad of restaurants. Thought about Yelp - but back then, it just seemed like a bunch of nerdy folks on it and way too much effort. Fast forward a buncha years, I'm on Yelp as of January, 2010 (actually, created the account the last week of December 2009).

Now check it out - the whole experience draws you in. Quite fascinating, really. My Yelp mentors or inspirations are Eugene (@euginis) and Henry (@itshenry) - both of whom are Elite members (and more on that shortly). You sign up for your account and Yelp prods you on to be real, share because "sharing is caring", put up pictures, fill out a profile that gives your online persona character... Feng shui your profile and create lists. You add a couple reviews for kicks and all of a sudden you get compliments and votes on your reviews. My first fan, too... Wow... drinking the Kool-Aid; drinking the Kool-Aid.

Now the Yelp Elites. You gotta have personality. They say post at least 30 or so reviews before I'll even have a shot at Elite. I hit 31 reviews today, yay! You gotta use your real name - stand by your words/reviews. You gotta have your picture up. You gotta have friends (which I have zero of). Sad. You gotta have fans and compliments. You gotta compliment others, too. The kicker is that once you get Elite status - it's like some club for the special ones (eh-hem, "elite"). They get special gifts and parties. Eugene got a cool lunch box. Henry got a silver rubber ducky. There are parties exclusively for Elites (significant others excluded). They get access to cool venues and entertainment... I'm not there yet, but the curiosity is killing me.

So. I'm gonna stick with the Yelp project for a bit and see where this goes. It's been an intriguing experience so far. I can see how the Yelp experience is an enjoyable one - and they've got a zillion loyal members to show it. Don't be shy - feel free to give me advice, feedback, friend me in the world of Yelp!

~Arry
http://arry.yelp.com

which one are you: career woman or a woman with a career?

The dictionary defines a career woman as: "woman is a woman with a career who is interested in working and progressing in her job, rather than staying at home looking after the house and children"
http://dictionary.reverso.net/english-cobuild/career%20woman
http://encarta.msn.com/dictionary_1861687171/career_woman.html

Then, what's a woman with a career? I can't seem to find the official definition online - I'd contend that the definition would go something like this: "A woman who is primarily focused on the home and family as her priority, regardless of how successful she may be in her job/career. She prioritizes love, relationships, the family unit above her career.

I'd also modify the official versions of the definitions of a career woman to go more like this: "A woman who is primarily focused on the success of her job/career, over that of the home and family". She is driven and motivated by her own success.

There have been dozens of articles and blog posts about career women - and the fact you ought to avoid these kinds of women, such as: http://www.slate.com/id/2148274/. A lot with strong language about how career women are divorce prone or unable to prioritize in their roles as women first (implying a woman's role is centered around the family and home).

Personally, I tend to agree. If you were to ask me which one I am... I'd say I am a woman with a career. I am passionate for the happiness of those around me (myself included, my family, friends, etc...). A woman (in general) is built to thrive on giving and receiving love - on feelings of want and being needed and appreciated. It is what it is. Women and men = we are different.

~Arry

did you know? part II

One thing that seems to be "common wisdom" about start-ups is this(at least among the young budding entrepreneurs I spend a lot of time with) : 90% of companies fail in the first year. I say, "Really? With odds like that, you still want to start a company?" Of course, failure can be defined in many ways, and one person's failure may be another's success, so it's hard to talk about what the accurate failure rates are. With that caveat, here are some survival rates, according to census data as reported by the SBA:

69% of new firms survive at least 2 years
51% survive at least 5 years

Better than common wisdom, but still somewhat bleak.

Scott Shane's book The Illusions of Entrepreneurship has a great table with more detailed survival info.

-Mina

did you know? part I

Since I come across a lot of studies and statistics on various aspects of entrepreneurship, I thought I would start a series of posts highlighting some of the more interesting ones (me being the judge of what is interesting, of course). To start off, let's start with how important start-ups to the economy.

Number of businesses in the U.S.: 6 million + businesses with employees; 29.7 million self-employed

Size of businesses: 60.9% have <4 employees; 89.7% have < 20 employees; 99.7% have <500 employees

Number of businesses started each year: 649,700 new employer firms (another 2 million struck out on their own) (in 2006)

Number of closures each year: 564,900 (in 2006)

VC money received: In 2007, a little less than $30 billion in VC was given to 3800 firms. Of these, 415 were for seed funding (about .06% of new firms)

Angel money: About 50,000 businesses receive $20-25 billion angel money per year

These numbers are from the SBA, the NVCA and the last number is from a magazine article I read (can't remember the source now).

-Mina

skinny jeans, sex or a promotion?

Just read this short blurb (http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/women-think-fitting-into-old-jeans-is-better-than-sex-or-a-promotion-560381) about a study done by Special K in which 29% of the 2200 women surveyed said that fitting into their "trophy" jeans (jeans women have kept hoping to eventually fit into them) would be better than sex, 29% that it would be better than getting a promotion, 20% that it would be better than winning the lottery and 11% that it would be better than a marriage proposal. Interesting... _Mina