[10] 5 ways social media has changed dating

I love social media.  I'm all over it - Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Blogger, etc...  I love how it's allowed me to keep in touch with friends all over the world, reconnect me with friends from decades ago, and build new ones in our ever so busy lives.  Even with Twitter, I cannot thank this tool for how many awesome women I've been able to connect with because of it.  Social media is fun when it comes to dating - you can instantaneously see how your love is doing throughout his day, see the comments from those in his life, virtually flirt back and forth, ... social media provides tools for building authentic relationships --> but in the world of dating, it is truly important to remember to consistently use the more traditional means in growing faith, trust and strength in your love: holding hands, talking on the phone, going on walks, cuddling, kissing, and eye contact (some of my absolute favorites).

As much as I love social media, there are some new challenges and changes it has produced in the world of dating and love.  Some things I've learned and will share:

1. Online personalities do not necessarily present the real person as they are in real life.  The person who interact with and see online is not necessarily the same person in person.  Why?  The person you are building in your mind from watching the conversations and persona's online creates a person that is a little different then who that person is in real life.  Without the other communication cues like facial expressions, body language and tone, what else do you have to work with?  None - you interpret with the lens and bias that you hope to find in this person.

Read the rest by clicking here... 

~Arry

how to play the game the right way: are you worth it?

Recently, I read a Steve Harvey book recommended to me by a neighbor. Steve's an actor, comedian, radio personality (the Steve Harvey morning show), and author of "Act like a Lady, Think like a Man".

There's a short story in it that I want to share with you. The point of the story is that 1) men always have a plan, and 2) men act accordingly. Women need to get into the habit of figuring out if his plan includes her in it as long term potential - and a woman does that by having standards. Values. Requirements. Standards from day 1. Always. Men call it high maintenance... high expectations.

So ladies... say it with me, "I'm so worth it".

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... one of my daughters brought home her alleged "boyfriend" to the house for a family dinner. You should know that my father-in-law is one of the smartest men I ever met in my life - he's a man I look up to, and I look up to very few men. The things that come out of his mouth are usually, if not always, on point and make me think: The same was true this particular evening when he lined up this boy on the living room couch and asked him plain as day, "So what's your plan with my granddaughter?"

The young man, about thirty, asked very simply, "What do you mean by that?"
"I mean just what I asked," my father-in-law said. "What is your plan?"
"I don't have no plan," he said.
"Then what are you doing?" my father-in-law asked.
"I'm just trying to get to know her," he insisted.
"But what's your plan? Where is this going?" my father-in-law snapped back.

Finally, under the pressure of the questioning, the squared shoulders, and two straight-faced black men making it clear we know the game, the boy finally broke down and said those four fateful words: "We're just kicking it."

My father-in-law sat there and stared at him for a minute, satisfied, finally, that he's gotten to the bottom of it. He tasted blood. "Okay, then - cool," my father-in-law said quietly. "Let's share that with her, that you're just 'kicking-it.' Let's see how she feels being the kicked one. Let's take that back to her."

She looked so crazy when, a few minutes later, we let her know about her man's plans - that they're just "kicking it". Because she knows that from our constant talks and updates and sessions about men when it comes to relationships, you're either being kicked or you're potential long-term material. It can't be both. Clearly, he had a plan that was different from what she wanted.

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If a man likes what he sees - he will always find some way to you. Always. He will always want to sleep with you. So - Women need standards. Values. Requirements. Let the man know up front - and if your price is too high to pay, suggest that he move on.

Men always have a plan. I tend to think that a man knows very (let me stress ~very~) early on whether or not you (the woman) are long term potential (in the forever sense). If so, he'll do is damn best to make it happen. Watch his actions. Don't "stick it out" with a man hoping he'll come around, change, etc... he may, but really, do you want to be with a man by default, or because it was the "right thing to do"? Ideally, no.

~Arry